These have been some of the hardest days of my life. And I have been through some stuff, so that’s saying something. The uncertainty, the questions, the hope, the doubt…everything seems so, well, out of control. I have millions of questions flashing through my mind. The what ifs and the what could’ve beens. Being hard on myself, but then coming to the throne of grace and recognizing my identity as daughter of the Most High. The desires and the crushed dreams. The hope of my future, but along with that, the fear of the future.
In case it was hard to tell, my emotions are everywhere. But underneath the current of the crashing waves is a peace. A peace that I know can only be from above.
“I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, not anything taken from it. God has done it so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.” Ecclesiastes 3:14-15
I am terrified of how I will mess up, or how he will mess up. I’m so scared of falling out of God’s will (which definitely isn’t a thing except in my head apparently). I’m terrified of what God’s will is and how He will use this situation.
But here, I can know, that God is fully, completely, 100%, absolutely in charge. What He has said shall stand. What He has dictated is written in the book, never to be changed. It’s such an odd concept to wrap my mind around, but I can’t mess it up. Yes, sin can step in to draw us away from His presence. But that which is, already has been.
Why does God do this? Why does He stand fully in charge, yet all this craziness goes on around me? I can’t fully answer that, neither can any man. But here I see that “God has done it so that people fear before him.” When I acknowledge God’s enduring and perfect work, it draws me to give reverence, worship, and brings meaning to my life. When I recognize that I am worthless without my Creator, I am brought to my knees in humility before Him. I have nothing, have done nothing, and will never do anything apart from Him that is of worth. Alone, I am a sinful, dirty, wretched human. God does this so that I recognize that He is in control. He does this so that I worship Him. He does this to bring His lost sheep home.
Dear Father, how great you are. How beautiful that you care enough for my soul to put me through the worst so that you can bring me through to the best. Thank you for humbling me to my knees, begging at your feet. Thank you for not letting me wander without you. Father, help me to see that you are in control. Help me to see that what you have said from the beginning still stands, and no human can change or thwart your plans. Help me to trust that though I want control, you have what is best in store. You have my days numbered and you know how to grow me best. You have proven time and time again that you will never leave me, you are faithful in the darkest of days, and you are fully in charge of everything happening. Help me to trust in you.
Thy will be done.
just consider the lilies 